I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
