It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
