I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
