The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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