Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
