I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I need water and some morals
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize