Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
