Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Floor bacon is actually really good
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
