So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
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