Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
