I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
