god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
