I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
