Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
