I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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