It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
