So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
