I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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