She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Randomize
