we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
