If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I miss vodka workout Fridays
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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