No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize