I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
