i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize