I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
