I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
