God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
