I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
