It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Randomize
