Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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