it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
