I am midnight drunk by noon
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
