Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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