Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
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I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
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Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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