Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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