hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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