and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
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