i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
