Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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