sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
