we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
worst night to have a conscience
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
