dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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