i permit you to call me
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
