Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
