it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I'm always down for nudity.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
