im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
