Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
