did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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