Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
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yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
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Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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