I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
