In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
