1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
