About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
