What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
