Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
