My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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