saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
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I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
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You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
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