Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
