Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
