I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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