Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
