Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
