That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
