A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
