Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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