did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize