Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
the liver wants what the liver wants
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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