Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
