Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
